Bought a milk bottle for precious him.. Find milk bottle too ex so just bought a cheap one and will buy one more nice one when i see more suitable ones.. Went to Polyclinic today to get referral letter to KKH`s 24hr woman`s clinic as i have been suffering from severe backache 2 days ago.. And can only sleep out of pure exhaustion.

Was shocked when doctor at polyclinic told me its very serious and told me to go to the 24hr clinic/emergency clinic immediately.. And cheat my feelings told me that there is no subsidy.. Initially wanted to go Dr Ang but i find Dr Ang did not tactfully handle my situation by giving brief words and not much details/scanning is done. Sure im not a doctor but i still need my assurance that my womb is ok. Blanked out my horrible chinese name, IC and Address.

My bills at KKH. Oh yes, i brought Rislin along cause before i leave, she woke up and wanted hubby to babysit her but he was tired, so imagine whole morning i was rushing like a mad woman yet i have to lug a baby and a stroller along.. Was exhausted by the time i reach home though.

i was lucky that my womb has cleared totally and no tissues etc remaining..The severe backache is caused by my womb contracting.. And was given painkillers to tide over the pain. The doctor was very kind and gentle with me and when tears started forming at my eyes when i talked about this MC, the doctor saw it and seem that he is afraid i`ll cry. He keep telling me, dont cry dont cry.. hah..

Asked doctor how long can i start to TTC again, he told me as mine was natural i can start anytime.. But im not in the mood for another newborn after losing my boy.. Shall let nature take its place..

My ultrasound.. Miss my boy.. (no hes not inside.. by the time i went to dr ang, i passed him..)


I keep trying to hold on the false hope that its just late menses/baby is still with me/etopic(I rather die than to do D&C, call me selfish) and Dr Ang overlooked it as it was a short scan.. But so many symptoms came up.. I just cant brush it away.. I feel horrible.. I want him.. Just him.. i wish he can just let me hug him, just once.. but its impossible.. my wish will never come true